Earlier this week I spoke with students at Cornerstone University. It was my tenth class and fifth college that I've guest lectured in this semester... fun times! I was asked to talk specifically on the topic of leadership. To make the most of our time together, questions were submitted to me in advance. Below are three that seemed to make sense addressing as a set.


Questions From The Class:

1. In your opinion, is a great leader born or can a great leader be made?

2. Should leadership be sought after, or if in fact an individual is gifted in the area of leadership, will he or she be sought after?

3. Based upon your experience is it easier to be a leader or a follower?

My Response:

If you are seasoned in your career, chances are you've already experienced a variety of management and leadership styles. And chances are your own style has been evident to those you've led and managed. Three of the most prevalent leadership styles that I've experienced over my career include: those who lead as if born to it (natural); those who lead others as they have been led (nurtured); and those who lead through fear, intimidation, and manipulation (neutered).

The "Natural"

Whether or not you believe in the concept of "born to lead," it would appear some among us are more predisposed than others. For example, the 5% of the population whose Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is ENTJ (Extraverted-iNtuitive-Thinking-Judging). These folks are described as "Executive" or "Leader" material. I'm pretty sure that ENTJs don't dominate the leadership ranks in organizations (that would be mathematically impossible) but I would venture to guess that ENTJs over-index as a percentage of all business leaders relative to their percentage in the population.  

The "Nurtured"

In his classic work on social learning theory, Stanford behaviorist Dr. Alfred Bandura found that people learn new behaviors by: 1) observing the actions of role models they can identify with; 2) approximating the behavior they've observed; and 3) receiving reinforcement for their adopted behaviors. His early studies recorded children reacting to aggressive television programming by punching a "Bobo" doll (those who watched Mr. Green Jeans and Romper Room should recall this near-life-sized, sand-in-the-base, bounces-back-up, inflatable doll). Like Bandura's laboratory observations, it is easy to see how the workplace can provide an environment of modeling, mirroring, and reinforcement leading to learned leadership behaviors--good, bad, and ugly.

The "Neutered"

While this type of leadership can be very effective in achieving short-term organization goals, the means (e.g., fear, intimidation, manipulation) can overtime damage an organization's climate, culture, and cohesion. One powerful yet poignant scene from Mel Gibson's "We Were Soldiers" illustrates this well. Commanding officers observe as new recruits are put through field exercises led by two very different patrol leaders--one who verbally abuses his men, the other willing to stop the exercise to tenderly check the physical condition of one of his men. The viewer is left with no doubt on which patrol leader the commanders will ultimately affirm, promote, and entrust. He is the one best able to accomplish the mission while garnering the respect of those he'll lead into battle.

Finally, I left the class with a few tips as current and future leaders:

Be Real: Avoid hypocrisy at all costs if you hope to earn respect, build trust, and gain loyalty amongst your team.

Encourage: Your team needs to be positively challenged to dig deep within themselves and driven to give their very best. They need to have ownership in the hits as well as the misses.

Attitude: Have fun! Really, if you are not enjoying the process and your people, you will never fully appreciate the outcomes.

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Spring Break '09 will definitely go down in our family's record book. During one week: Sam and I went skiing out West to celebrate his 16th birthday; Kate vacationed in Florida with moms and daughters from the neighborhood; Ryan was back in Miami at the U; and Stacy, Rosalinda, and Rebeca enjoyed a weekend at the beach in Nicaragua. 

The following week Stacy and I celebrated our 25th Anniversary. You know, we had always planned to spend this one (unlike ALL the other anniversaries) in some romantic locale such as Paris or Venice or Kauai. Instead we iChatted with each other, sharing cake and ice cream as a really extended family. The highlight was Stacy and the girls "blowing" out candles in Michigan all the way from Managua.  

And now, five plus weeks into our unavoidable "separation" we're all slowly settling into our routines. I am trying to learn (without permanently damaging) the "Floral Street" routine that Stacy has spent years building and refining. Being "Mr. Mom" (as Michael Keaton's character, Jack, can attest) is not easy but often humorous. On a regular basis I hear myself saying, "You're doing it wrong!" The kids stay up too late which makes them hard to get up in the morning. Who knew? I spent three consecutive days at the D&W pharmacy picking up prescriptions (suspect I could have done it in one trip). Then there is dance practice and lacrosse games (you should actually read the team's newsletter PRIOR to your turn for travel snacks).

Meals have been... interesting on several fronts: 1) we have grown to love cereal as much as Jerry Seinfeld; 2) breaking bread with friends, family, and neighbors is fun; 3) having friends, family, and neighbors deliver meals is less humbling than it is greatly appreciated; and 4) restaurants are not the same when you're missing a main ingredient (mom). Oh, I also found out yesterday that bills need to be paid (and paid on time) or they send something called a "shut off" notice (helpful hint: you can use your debit card over the phone).

As some of you know, I was raised by a single/working mom who had to learn how to drive at 50, went back to night school at Crossland High to learn typing and stenography, and struggled to make a living while raising two young boys in a small apartment off Pennsylvania Avenue (extended) in PG County, Maryland. At age 12, this latchkey kid became "chief cook and bottle washer" and took on babysitting in our complex to make spending money. All this to say, I have always had a great appreciation for single parents and now have a much greater appreciation for my wife/partner/best friend and all she does for me and the kids.   

In Nicaragua, Stacy is establishing a "Carratera Masaya" routine for the very first time. Routine, she will tell you, is extremely important for Rosalinda and Rebeca. The girls get up at 6:00 every day and are in bed at 8:00 most nights. They fall asleep to either lullabies in English or Nicaraguan children's songs.

Two showers a day are typical, especially with temps topping 100 degrees. On MWF we have a tutor who visits to teach both girls English and work on math concepts with Rosalinda. They are both very bright and eager to learn. Stacy prepares three meals each day but the girls get healthy snacks in between. Favorites foods include corn flakes, hot dogs, and personal pan pizza ("personal" simply because the kitchen only has a toaster oven).

The girls have additional friends now temporarily living in the "family compound" so free time includes arts & crafts, playing games, movies, soccer, etc. Special outings include: walking to Tip Top for chicken fingers, french fries, and an air conditioned playscape; visiting the Hilton in town where buying lunch means you can use the hotel pool; impromptu but difficult to coordinate get-togethers with other adopting families; and church on Sundays.    

So that's the day-to-day until the day we are able to all be together in one place. After almost six weeks we know there are many more weeks to go before the adoption is finalized. We pray that every meeting bears much fruit, that each review and report is favorable, and that a sense of urgency would permeate proceedings. We also pray for protection and provision for all those involved in this adoption. And we thank each of you who have joined us on our journey. 

As a family we are learning much, growing deeper, getting closer, and living larger. Such is life. 

My time in retail was the best on-the-job, customer service training I've ever received. And the work itself proved to be a great fit for me. Being in my twenties, retail offered a flexible schedule and steady income punctuated by overtime pay for working above and beyond. 

I didn't seek out retail it found me. I had been working nights and weekends at a Mobil station while attending Prince George's Community College in Largo, Maryland. One late Fall Saturday night a buddy from high school pulled in for gas. These were the days of "full service" so with a smile I filled him up, checked his oil, and squeegeed the windshield.  

Leaning against his car while I worked away, Mike told me it was too cold and wet to be working outside all winter long. He suggested I talk to his boss at Memco, a membership department store (remember those) just down the road. So I did and got the job as a stock boy just 30-something shopping days 'til Christmas.

My retail career spanned ten years. I worked for three different retailers at nine different stores in four states. There really is nothing like working retail, especially during the holidays. Beginning Black Friday (Thanksgiving Day +1) life as you know it significantly changes. At work, "busy" just doesn't describe it. "Chaotic" is a little better but my favorite descriptors come from friends working restaurants... slammed, 86ed, in the weeds. Often you get so busy on the floor that you forget to eat, take a break, or go to the bathroom. That's when you know that you are "in the zone." 

Typical customer encounters from behind the counter go something like this: You step up to a pressing throng of holiday shoppers, eyes beckon, "over here." They beg, "pick me!" and seem to scream, "I'm next" or scream at you, "HEY, I was next!" A single directed phrase from you quiets the crowd, "how may I help YOU?" Now you focus on your customer, addressing his or her needs one-on-one, making the best of the situation as well as making the sale.  

A person can grow to really love this kind of work. I did. You can even grow to love the people you meet. I found that "regular" customers can become much more than that. While working in Southern California there was women in her mid- to late-seventies named Barbara who would stop in several times a week. Sometimes we would grab a cup of coffee and just chat. She liked to share stories about growing up in Orange County "in the day." She had worked at Knott's Berry Farm for many years and had lived within walking distance. She didn't talk much about her husband who had died awhile back nor her children who had grown and moved off to somewhere.

She lived in a small but tidy mobile home park with palm trees and narrow little streets. I remember one Mother's Day when my wife Stacy and I took Barbara out for dinner to a nice restaurant near our home. She got all dressed up and we brought her flowers. Later when we dropped her off she insisted on giving us a huge brick of government-issued cheese to take back with us (I guess newly married couples can never get enough cheese and 70ish widows can only eat so much). 

When Stacy and I moved from Southern California she gave us about a dozen pieces of pale green and light pink Depression Glass. These small plates and cups, Barbara's heirlooms, have been a part of our home for a quarter century and still grace the corner hutch in our dining room. One customer who became a regular and then a friend also has remained a small part of a family.  

If it were in my power, I would create a special form of Selective Service (emphasis on the idea of "service" as in serving others). My program would call up young men and women into a season of working in a store, hotel, restaurant, or the like. I'm pretty sure it would help shape them personally, relationally, and professionally. Hopefully, they will meet a few customers like Barbara.

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I recently participated in an Advertising & eCommerce Advisory Board meeting at Ferris State University in Big Rapids, Michigan. During the discussion I shared with the group a few insights/observations about being a marketer of goods, services, ideas, and brands.

It went something like this: 

"Marketing is fast-paced and deadline-driven. It's equal parts science and art. Your work is highly subjective. Everyone has an opinion on everything you do and they don't mind sharing it (but not always with you). 

Marketing serves many masters, both inside and outside the company. It must produce results in the short-term but has long-term benefits that you may never fully realize. There is a complex network of pieces, parts, and people that must be efficiently and effectively orchestrated. 

Very high (sometimes unrealistic) expectations must be either met or managed. And there will never be enough time, money, people, energy, and creativity to accomplish all that is possible."

I believe it was American daredevil Evil Knievil who said, "There are two types of motorcyclists--those that have gone down and those that are going down." Applying that reality to a "successful" career in marketing, my hope is that you dig the thrills, survive the spills, and enjoy the ride.

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As many of you know, Stacy and I are currently "fostering" our two girls down in Managua, Nicaragua. Initially the thought of spending an extended and fairly open-ended time away from friends and family was overwhelming. We also realized that the investment of resources, both tangible and intangible, would be significant. But such concerns are tempered after waiting so long, coming so far, and then finally receiving "the call" to travel. At that point you make arrangements as fast as you can and just pray you haven't forgotten anything "critical" as you pull out of the driveway and head to the airport. 

Almost a month into this "assimilation" period, we have grown to appreciate how the process is helping form initial bonds and stronger attachments with Rosalinda and Rebeca. Stacy describes it as "learning how to dance with one another." Our own parenting skills and style are also being observed and assessed by those in Nicaragua ultimately responsible for the health and well-being of these very special little girls. 

While Stacy remains in Nicaragua caring for Rosalinda and Rebeca, I recently returned to Michigan to care for our older kids, maintain the home, and continue my work. It was on the eve of my return that I had a profound "dad" moment with Rosalinda.

My two pieces of carry-on luggage were packed and lined up against the wall under the large windows that each morning let our bedroom flood with sunlight filtered through the stand of mature mango, avocado, and palm trees just outside our temporary home. On top of one bag I had placed a notebook-sized portfolio containing my itinerary and other travel-related papers. Inside the portfolio, Rosalinda had secretly placed a note. 

She had folded it in half, then in half again, then in half once more. On the outside it was addressed "Para: Papá De: Rosa" and sealed with "Te Quiero" which means "I love you." I unfolded and read the message Rosa wanted me to travel with. She again told me she loved me, that I was a good dad, and that she had always wanted to have a dad like me.

Adoption begins with a leap, is measured in small methodical steps, takes many turns, and ends in an embrace. I have carried my daughter's note with me everyday, folded in my wallet and forever in my heart. "Rosalinda, tú eres mi hija y te amo. Papá." 

On the road to Masaya from Managua, Rosalinda quietly busied herself with pen and paper. She wrote. She drew. She doodled. Rebeca had fallen asleep against her. We've since discovered that Rebeca can't seem to stay awake while riding in a car, regardless of how short the ride, crowded the backseat, or hot the day. 

Happy to escape the capital city's busyness, Stacy and I quietly appreciated the views of the Nicaraguan countryside. We were heading out on our first family outing which included a visit to Parque Nacional Volcán Masaya. It was called "La Boca del Infierno" or "The Mouth of Hell" by the Spanish who in the 16th century placed a cross at the active volcano's crater lip to exorcise the Devil. 

Our compact Toyoto Yaris strained as we climbed the mountain toward the volcano's viewing area. Stacy barely noticed as Rosalinda took her hand and began gently writing something on her open palm. In a minute Rosalinda was done. She had simply written, "MOM." 

The moment left Stacy feeling very tender. She says It was as though she had been "claimed and named" by Rosalinda. "She chose me. I am 'MOM.' Mom to Rosalinda." Stacy recognizes that moment as marking a beginning, "it was our first day as mother and daughter." Rosalinda's simple act left her in awe and took Stacy to an even deeper level of commitment. For that she is incredibly thankful, honored, and humbled.

There are precious few defining moments in a relationship. Even the seemingly small ones can be powerful and everlasting.